It's not you, it's US

"The pain now is part of the happiness then. That’s the deal." - C.S. Lewis

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A lesson I've learned in this early process of getting a Divorce, that I wish I'd learned (or at least been better about living) in marriage is that it isn't, nor can it ever be "you or me," it must always be "us" or "we." Just as the marriage slowly falling apart was OUR fault, so too was the decision to rectify it - which in our case meant ending it. There's a Seinfeld episode in which Jerry and his girlfriend break up - he says that it was a revolutionary breakup. It was a completely mutual breakup. He tells an ex about it, and she says: "Oh, come on. Everybody knows there's no such thing as a mutual breakup. Tell me the truth." Ok, Delores, perhaps you're right... maybe there's no such thing as a completely 50/50 breakup but this is about as close as you can get.

The conversation that led to "I want a divorce" was actually started by Tai, but the words were said by me. We both needed a few minutes to sit with them. They really did hang heavy in the air - it's such a clichéd expression but it is so true. He went for a walk, I refilled my wine and sat on the couch waiting for him to come back. The events of that night and the lead up to it all warrant their own blog posts, but the end result was that we both went to bed exhausted, sad, but feeling a little more hopeful than we had in years.

We decided that we'd tell the people we needed to tell - our family and closest friends. And once we'd done that, moving quickly of course because as they say on Letterkenny - "Bad gas travels fast in a small town," I would then write a post for Facebook, from the both of us, to share the news with the general population. The post, pasted below, was met with so much love and optimism. People reached out to us individually as well, and I spoke with people I hadn't talked to in ages who had fairly recently been through divorce - a couple of them were very amicable and similar to our situation. I was so overwhelmed by the reception of the post, and honestly it further reinforced that we were making the right choice. Throughout this process, there have been little signs sprinkled here and there that have given me (and I'd imagine he's had the same) this feeling of peace and affirmation. I've found such incredible comfort in these signs, and in how accepting our friends and family have been.

Below is a copy of the FB announcement we posted regarding our Divorce:

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And below are some of my favorite comments - Names have all been redacted (although, it should be pretty obvious that the fourth one down is my mother! haha

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